So here I am. 31 days clean. Wow. What's more wow is that I'm feeling SO low right now. I've lost my ability to write because it's all been said before. I'm in pretty intensive therapy right now. They're shining new light on a lot of old issues and it's leaving me feeling emotionally drained. I'm scared. What I'm really scared of is having to spend the day alone. I've been hanging out with this guy since I've been at the Corvallis shelter and today he has stuff to do without me. That means I'm stuck doing things alone. I don't want to. I'm my own person. I can live my life without anyone else. I'm a strong person.
Gratitude List:
1. The roof over my head.
2. My bed.
3. Food.
4. Coffee.
5. My sobriety.
6. My friends.
7. My family.
8. Good books.
9. My sponsor.
That's all I can think of right now. Time to go to yet another meeting that I'm just not feeling. I kind of just want to veg out in the park and let the world pass me by for a while.
Friday, May 15, 2015
Monday, May 4, 2015
20 days
God I just want to cry and I don't know why. I was all happy and stuff to be sober and now blah. I know my friends are getting high without me today and I'm sitting here in the library all alone waiting for my next NA meeting. I just want to get high. I'm not going to. It's been established that I'm not going to get high, I'm just so lonely. I want to go home, but there is no home for me anymore. My family doesn't want to see me anymore and I just can't accept that pain. I want to run away from it so bad. God, I'm lonely. I'm not going to use today though.
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