Relapse!

So I need to confess and there's nobody to talk to, nobody that I can tell the truth to and not get in trouble with.  I hate being high, but I love getting high.  I hate being high but I love being high.  I never remember that when the opportunity arises.  I just remember how amazing it is to get high, not the hell it is to be high.  I'm paranoid, I'm exhausted, and I'm hearing voices.  I know as soon as I attempt to lay down to sleep I'm going to hear them louder than ever.  I tried to take the meds to make them go away, but apparently they aren't as needed.  So here's the plan: I'm going to the dishes, watch Survivor with the grandparents and then smoke a cigarette and go to bed.  By go to bed, I mean hook up my sleep machine and lay there listening the air coming in and out my lungs till I get sick of it and get up and smoke again.  I can't stay on one page.  I don't want to read anything or watch anything and apparently I don't want to play games either, I want to be around people, I don't know what I want, I'm so discontent.  Omegle! That's what I want.  To Omegle!