Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Relapse!
So I need to confess and there's nobody to talk to, nobody that I can tell the truth to and not get in trouble with. I hate being high, but I love getting high. I hate being high but I love being high. I never remember that when the opportunity arises. I just remember how amazing it is to get high, not the hell it is to be high. I'm paranoid, I'm exhausted, and I'm hearing voices. I know as soon as I attempt to lay down to sleep I'm going to hear them louder than ever. I tried to take the meds to make them go away, but apparently they aren't as needed. So here's the plan: I'm going to the dishes, watch Survivor with the grandparents and then smoke a cigarette and go to bed. By go to bed, I mean hook up my sleep machine and lay there listening the air coming in and out my lungs till I get sick of it and get up and smoke again. I can't stay on one page. I don't want to read anything or watch anything and apparently I don't want to play games either, I want to be around people, I don't know what I want, I'm so discontent. Omegle! That's what I want. To Omegle!
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Just checking in Jase - hope you're doing okay.
ReplyDeleteI'm so proud of all the work you've done. You've come so incredibly far. I don't remember if I've sent this to you before, but I've found comfort in this Macklemore song when I've been on my sobriety journey:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wADy9PmKwsc
Hope the voices have faded at least a little!
Love always,
Jamie
Sorry Jamie, I've been away from this blog for a while, but I still think about my Kiwi Angel from time to time. I do have the voices under control, but there's no getting around the fact that coming down sucks. I just want that burning desire for sobriety that other people seem to have. Anyway, thanks for the comment. Hope all is well on the island!
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