Trust

I've always valued trust, but not in the way that most people do.  My focus was gaining other people's trust.  I knew where my dealer lived and I had permission to stop by whenever I wanted.  It elevated my self worth when people trusted me.  I always rook for granted the few people that I could trust with my secrets.  In fact, recently I stopped keeping secrets.  Still I trusted my mother with all of my secrets and never really questioned her position in my life as the most perfect person I would ever know.  She could make no mistake and I ignored her glaring flaws.  Yesterday she called me for the first time ever.  I thought she was genuinely interested in my job interview.  All she wanted to know as the big family secret.  So I told her.  No big deal, I trusted her.  Then she took their side.  How could she?  Why must even the tallest of pedestals crumble?

What makes this time any different?

I've been meditating on this question for a while now.  The answer is nothing.  Nothing makes this try any different from every other try, but I can't quit trying.  No matter what I do, I can't quit trying.  This time WILL be different.  I know what I did wrong all of the other times and this time will be different.